Was reading through my old blog today and found a couple of things. Suddenly I do feel a little older than before. Most of it was due to the fact that many things have changed over the years. I’ve lost quite a fair bit of the naivety and innocence from the yester-years. Even the style that I write my blog entries in have changed.

While it used to be cheery and more bubbly in the past, all these have been replaced by a certain melancholy and maturity, at least in my thoughts and written expressions. It’s kinda weird, because I have never noticed it until now.

Suddenly I felt that I needed to come back up here to start blogging again and placing the different bookmarks in my life.

Saw the picture of this little letter that I received during union camp in 2002. Apparently we had this game called the “Secret Pal” where 2 people will anonymously write letters to each other, like a secret pal, and we’ll get to meet only on the last night of the camp.

The guy turned out to be a real prince charming, making it to the camp pageant, sans the manners and charisma. In my memory, he was a rather shy thing who couldn’t manage his emotions. I remember the dinner that we had during the last night at camp, and he was quiet. We exchanged a few words and found out that he actually lives very close by. I thought he would make a good friend and perhaps sometimes I could drop him off at school.

But apparently, he took it the wrong way and thought I was trying to go after him. Worst still, right after dinner, he found some excuse and tried to escape. (We were supposed to do an activity together after that) I tried to ask him for his number, just in case if we needed to do an activity after dinner, and he found some cockamimi excuse and said he’ll find me later.

That never happened.

Some time later, I heard some really hurtful stuff about how I was trying to go after him and I wasn’t the “Snow White”. I wasn’t the one who chose the nick ok. He’s a pageant boy and I’m a fat / ugly girl trying to go after him, who does she think she is? Sometimes you think these things only happen in the movies. Guess where they got their materials from?

A couple of months down the road, there was a rumour that he dropped out of school.

Funny that all these memories started streaming back into me. In the past, I would go all self bashing and whine in my misery. But for now, these memories really give me a deep insight of how I turned out the way I am. I am starting to see the fragments of anger, disappointment, poor image and hate that still lingers within the recesses of my mind. It’s pretty amazing that sometimes you think that you’ve gotten over some things, but you discover a new angle that you haven’t processed yet. The human mind is very very interesting, shall put some work into this.

Shall end off this entry with part deux of his letter.